


Mending a Broken Heart

by thesmolestnerd



Category: The 100 (TV), The 100 Series - Kass Morgan
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Hospital, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anya & Lexa (The 100) Are Siblings, Artist Clarke, Clarke and Niylah are fuck buddies in the beginning, Clarke has ADHD, Clarke is aggressively bisexual and she won't let you forget it, Clarke isn't handling that very well, Doctor Abby Griffin, F/F, Fratboy Clarke, Hospital Sex, Hospitals, Hurt/Comfort, Jake is dead - Freeform, Medium Burn, Minor Abby Griffin/Marcus Kane, Nerd Lexa, Protective Clarke Griffin, Shy Lexa (The 100), Smut, Stubborn Clarke, Stubborn Lexa, Surgery, Unresolved Emotional Tension, asshole clarke, indra is lexa anya and lincoln's mom, lexa has a heart condition, lexa is an angry cinnamon bun, like faster than THaLoF but not by much, rebel clarke, sick lexa, troublemaker clarke
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-11-14
Updated: 2018-01-31
Packaged: 2019-02-02 03:28:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 11,070
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12718707
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesmolestnerd/pseuds/thesmolestnerd
Summary: When one of Clarke's pranks finally goes too far, the best punishment that Abby can think of is having her keep Lexa, one of her chronically ill heart patients, company. As Clarke pulls Lexa from her shell, it ends up being a bigger punishment for Abby than for Clarke.ABANDON (sorry guys)





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know why I want to write this so bad, but I do. It's supposed to be sweet and funny and angsty and good. I'm not sure how often I'll update. Lemme know what you guys think. Clarke's a bit of a ...troublemaker, to say it lightly. She's not exactly an asshole. Well... she is an asshole, but she's not mean. You'll see...

“This is the best idea you’ve ever had,” said Octavia. Monty grabbed the garbage bag of ping pong balls and passed it to Jasper. 

“I know, right?” said Clarke. Wells shook his head. 

“This is a bad idea, Clarke,” he said. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“No, this is gonna be hilarious,” she said. She handed another bag to Raven. 

“They’re gonna be so mad,” she scoffed. “And I think that’s the last bag.” Clarke sighed.

“Okay, so then Jasper, Monty you go to the B hall. One of you take the back and one of you take the front,” she said. “Raven and O, you take the D hall. Wells and I have the main staircase.”

“And Murphy and Lincoln?” asked Octavia. 

“Lincoln’s front door; Murphy’s back,” said Clarke. 

“Is it really a good idea to have Murphy guarding anything?” said Octavia. Clarke looked past the stairs. 

“Apparently not,” she said. Principal Pike had Murphy by the arm and was dragging him towards the stairs, Bellamy hot on his heels. “Shit, go, go, go!” Octavia and Raven and Monty and Jasper grabbed their bags and ran. She turned to Wells. “Ready?” He shook his head. Clarke opened the bag and spilled it over. Ping pong balls rushed out and bounced down the stairs. Clarke pulled Wells back and pulled her phone from her pocket. She hit record. 

Bellamy got to the stairs first. He got a shower of ping pong balls, several of them hitting him in the face and junk. He continued walking. Until he stepped on one. His feet flew out from under him. He reached back to grab something. That something was Pike. He pulled Pike down causing him to slip and Murphy to break free. Murphy bolted without a second thought. And Pike fell backwards with Bellamy on top of him with a disturbing crunch. Clarke burst out laughing. She finished recoding it and posted it to Snapchat.

“C’mon, Wells, let’s go,” said Clarke. She pulled his arm. They walked out of the alcove. Right into—

“Marcus,” said Clarke. Shit. He looked at the ping pong balls and rubbed his face.

“This was your idea?” he asked. Clarke didn’t respond. “Clever. You know I have to call Abby, right? I can’t keep sweeping this under the rug. Especially since it seems you broke Dr. Pike’s hip.”

“Pike’s a dick,” she said. Marcus sighed.

“Clarke, I’m going to have to suspend you,” he said. Clarke turned around and ran before he got the rest of his sentence out.

“Nice try, Princess.” She looked over. Bellamy had materialized behind her. “You’re not getting away with this.”


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Clarke meets Lexa, and Abby decides her punishment.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you don't like this, consider: don't read it.

“Clarke, I can’t believe you,” said Abby. Clarke pressed her forehead against the car window. “You’ll be lucky if Pike doesn’t press charges. He had to leave in a stretcher.” Clarke closed her eyes and tried to focus on the motion of the car. “You have a ten day suspension. Minimum! And you are not going to be allowed to just stay at home. Oh no. Not after all the shit you’ve been pulling. The pranks, the tattoos, the gauges, the sleeping around. Clarke, are you listening to me?”

“Yes, Mom,” said Clarke. She rubbed the bridge of her nose and tried to get the tension from her forehead.

“And you also got all your other friends in trouble! Even poor Wells. You’re lucky that it was his first offence. If he got suspended, he wouldn’t be able to enter young scholars and you know how devastated he would be…” Clarke softly started hitting her head against the window, hoping to end her misery. “Not to mention the fact that you pulled me away from a patient. You better have all your homework done by the time I get off.”

“Why does it matter?” Clarke mumbled. Abby slammed on the break.

“Why does it matter, Clarke? It matters because you’re throwing your life away! I don’t understand what happened to my sweet loving daughter. I miss her.” Clarke shook her head. 

“She never existed,” snapped Clarke.

“So what I’m hearing is no TV, no video games, and that I have to take away your smart phone and give you a flip phone,” said Abby.

“What?”

“You’re throwing away your future. I can’t let you do that, Clarke,” said Abby. She pulled into the hospital parking lot. “I know it’s been hard on you since Dad died, but you can’t keep doing this, Clarke. He wouldn’t want you to—” Abby pulled in, and Clarke opened the door and walked out. She slammed the door. “Clarke, don’t you dare.” Clarke shook her head. She pulled up her hoodie. 

She followed Abby through the double doors. Abby stopped at the front desk, putting her hand on Clarke’s shoulder to stop her. Clarke put an earbud in her ears. She watched as Abby talked with a nurse. Her forehead began creasing. She pushed Clarke through the hall. They stopped in a waiting room.

“Sit,” said Abby. Clarke fell back and dropped her backpack on the floor. Abby opened a door across the hall. Clarke leaned over. 

Jaha was also in the room, talking to a seriously looking woman with short black hair. There was a girl on the bed, who couldn’t be much older than her. She had an open button-down shirt and the sticky patches of a heart monitor on her chest. Her skin was pale and gray. The girl looked up at her. Startlingly green eyes met blue. Clarke heat rammed against her rip cage. She was gorgeous.

The door swung closed. Clarke got up and looked around. No one had noticed her. She got up and casually walked over to the door. She looked back and forth and pressed her ear up against the door. 

“The flare up is worse than in recent years. Keeping her for a few days is probably the best idea,” said Abby. 

“Yes,” said Jaha. “And she still needs the IV drip. Figuring out the next step is very important. The scar tissue is thickening. We need to figure out if we want to up the dosage or if we need to operate.” Clarke heard someone mumble something.

“I know you hate it here, Lexa,” another voice said. “But you cannot go home. I will not have you fainting again.”

“I actually have an idea,” said Abby. All of the sudden, the door opened. Clarke fell forward into the door frame.

“Lexa, this is my daughter, Clarke,” said Abby. “She’s going to keep you company for the next couple of weeks.” Clarke got to her feet.

“What?” said Clarke. 

“That’s how your spending your suspension,” said Abby. “With Lexa.” Clarke nodded.

“Oh,” she said. “Okay…cool.” Abby patted Lexa’s arm. 

“Let me know if she does anything wrong,” Abby whispered. Lexa gave a tght smile and nodded. Abby and Jaha left. The other woman kissed Lexa’s forehead.

“I’m going to call Anya,” she said. “I’ll leave you will…” She glares at Clarke. Clarke smirked. She watched the lady leave. Clarke walked over and sat in a chair, putting her feet up on the side of bed.

“So your Dr. Griffin’s daughter. The one who keeps disrupting your school and your mother’s work?” said Lexa.

“Yep,” said Clarke. “And you’re…I have no idea who you are,” said Clarke. Lexa smirked.

“Your new babysitter, I suppose,” said Lexa. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Wow…funny,” she said. She studied Lexa. “What’s your story, huh, Lex?” 

“Lexa,” said Lexa. “And I’m sick.” Clarle nodded.

“That’s it?” she said. Lexa nodded. Lexa leaned back and closed her eyes. 

“I’m tired,” said Lexa. She closed her eyes and leaned back. Clarke nodded. 

“Cool,” said Clarke. She put her headphone back in. Clarke closed her eyes and leaned her head back.

Clarke didn’t know how long she dozed there. The music stopped. Clarke heard a small noise. She sat up and pulled out her headphones. Lexa curled up in the fetal position, clutching her chest.

“Hey, Lexa. Are you okay?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded and closed her eyes. Clarke glanced over at the EKG. “Did you turn the alarm off on your EKG?” Lexa didn’t respond. “There’s no way that’s actually your heart rate.” Clarke put her finger on Lexa’s pulse point. “Jesus Christ.” Clarke pressed the call button. She ran to the door. “Mom! Jaha!” Clarke knelt down by the side of Lexa’s bed. “Lexa, what’s the matter? Does your chest hurt?” 

“My chest always hurts,” said Lexa. She swallowed. “It’s fine.” Clarke rolled her eyes.

“Yeah, totally. With a heart rate that fast, everything’s totally fine,” said Clarke. “Your BP is 140/90. If it gets too much higher…” Lexa shook her head. Clarke pressed the call button again. She looked over at the IV bags. “Did you stop your pain meds?” Clarke looked out the door. “Lexa.” Lexa didn’t say anything. “Fuck it.” Clarke picked up the pain pump and pressed the button.

“What the hell?” said Lexa weakly. “Why did you that?” 

“Because you didn’t. I’m not stupid. You haven’t been taking your pain meds,” said Clarke. Abby and Jaha both ran in. “Finally.” Abby looked over at the machines. 

“Your blood pressure and heart rate are really high,” said Abby. Clarke nodded.

“Pretty sure she wasn’t using the pain pump,” said Clarke. 

“I’m fine,” said Lexa.

“Mmhh,” said Clarke. She looked at Abby who started taking Lexa’s vitals. Jaha looked through her chart on the computer.

“I’m fine,” said Lexa. Abby started injecting meds into the IV. Lexa sighed and closed her eyes. 

“Nice catch, Clarke,” said Abby. Clarke sat at her bedside for a minute longer. “I’ll come and pick you up in a couple hours.” The doctors walked out. Lexa opened her eyes.

“You’re an asshole,” said Lexa. 

“Why? Because I gave you pain meds and kept you broke having a heart attack,” said Clarke. Lexa shook her head.

“Leave me alone,” said Lexa. 

“Gladly,” said Clarke. She got up. “So you won’t tell my mom if I—”

“Go,” said Lexa. Her voice cracked. 

“Cool,” said Clarke. She got up and walked out the door. She opened her phone.

“Niylah,” said Clarke. “I’m at Polis Hospital. I got suspended. Pick me up.”


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kind comments! You guys are great.

Clarke shut the car door. 

“My fucking mom…” said Clarke. Niylah glanced over at her.

“What happened this time?” Niyah asked.

“I broke Pike’s hip and got suspended,” said Clarke. Niylah snorted.

“Nice,” she said. She pulled out of the parking lot. 

“So can I crash at your house?” asked Clarke. 

“Of course,” said Niylah. She kissed Clarke.

“Thank God. I need something normal in my life,” said Clarke. She rubbed her forehead, trying to chase thoughts of Lexa from her head. “My mom is making me babysit this girl at the hospital.” 

“Babysit?” asked Niyah.

“Some teenager with a heart problem,” said Clarke. “Mom wants we to ‘keep her company’.” Clarke rolled her eyes. “Could be worse.” Niylah nodded. 

“Be it could be better, right?” she asked. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“Maybe,” she said. They pulled into Niylah’s shitty apartment complex. The two of them got out and climbed the stairs to Niylah’s fourth floor apartment. Niylah shoved the door open. She stepped over a box and pulled Clarke over it. They fell back on a ratty couch. Clarke pinned Niylah down and made out with her. Hands roamed over bodies. Clarke could feel Niylah’s warm breath on her neck. She slid her hands under Niylah’s shirt. As she unbuckled Niylah’s belt, all she could think of was if Lexa felt that soft.  
*************************************************************************************  
Clarke woke up to someone pounding on the door. Niylah groaned softly.

“Fuck, Niylah, get up. There’s someone at the door,” said Clarke. 

“Clarke!” It came from behind the door. 

“Shit!” Clarke scrambled to her feet and pulled on her shirt.

“Clarke, open the door. It’s Marcus.” 

“Fuck,” said Clarke. She pulled on her underwear and pants. She grabbed her sneakers and flung open the door. 

“What the fuck, Kane?” she demanded. Marcus looked positively disheveled. His hair was a mess. He wasn’t in his suit.

“Abby was worried,” he said. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“Whatever,” she said.

“You’re coming home with me,” he said. 

“I know,” said Clarke. She turned around. Niylah was behind her in nothing but a shirt. 

“See you, babe,” she said. She kissed Clarke full in the mouth. It was long and passionate. Kane shifted from foot-to-foot. Niylah let go of Clarke, and Clarke raised an eyebrow at Marcus before walking in front of him to the car.

They got inside. Marcus started the car.

“Abby was really worried,” said Marcus. Clarke nodded. 

“I bet,” she said. 

“We’re meeting Abby at the hospital,” Marcus said. Clarke nodded again.

“She still wants me to babysit Lexa,” she said. Marcus nodded. 

“You need to learn to stop being so selfish,” said Marcus. Clarke scoffed. “Look, I know, things haven’t been easy. It hasn’t been two years since—”

“Marcus. Shut up,” said Clarke. Marcus nodded. He pulled into the hospital parking lot. He got out of the car. Clarke followed.

“I’m walking you up,” he said. Clarke continued walking in front of him. He ushered her into the elevator and up to pediatrics. The fun pastel colors and cute cartoon animals danced on the walls. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“I hate this place,” muttered Clarke. Marcus pointed at one of the doors. 

“She’s in there. Knock first,” said Marcus. Clarke pushed open the door. Lexa was on her side. A tech had an ultrasound wand pressed between her breasts. Lexa smirked.

“I didn’t think you’d come back,” she said. Clarke shrugged. 

“I had to,” she said. Lexa nodded. Clarke looked over at the monitor. “That’s cool.” Lexa nodded.

“It’s my heart,” said Lexa. “It doesn’t work right.” Lexa looked over at the tech and nodded. 

“All that,” he said, pointing to parts of the monitor. “Is scar tissue.” Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Damn,” she said. “That looks bad.” 

“It is,” said Lexa. 

“Are you gonna die?” asked Clarke.

“We’re all gonna die,” said Lexa. 

“Is it going to kill you?” asked Clarke. Lexa shrugged.

“Probably,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded.

“Soon?” said Clarke. Lexa shrugged.

“Hopefully not,” said Lexa. The tech cleared his throat. 

“Deep breath please,” he said. Lexa wheezed. Clarke made a face. 

“Does your breath always sound like that?” said Clarke.

“You ask a lot of questions,” said Lexa. She glanced over. “And you can sit. Abby may want to strangle you, but I don’t—” Lexa started coughing. The tech moved the wand from her chest and helped her sit up. Lexa coughed and hacked. The tech pressed an O2 mask to her face. “Deep breaths.” Lexa’s breath evened out slowly. Lexa’s eyes drifted down. She pulled the mask off. 

“Why are you holding my ankle?” she asked. Clarke looked down at her hand. She let go. Her knee bounced up and down. Lexa looked back at the tech. He pressed the wand back to her chest. Clarke tried not to stare at her superb breasts.

Someone entered. It was Abby. 

“Hi, Lexa,” she said. She put a hand on Lexa’s knee. “How are you feeling?”

“Okay,” said Lexa. 

“You’re a terrible liar, sweetheart,” said Abby. “I’m going to talk with Clarke and then I’m going to check out your heart.” Lexa nodded. Abby all but pulled Clarke out of the door. 

“What the hell were you thinking?” hissed Abby. “You can’t just run away like that. I was worried sick! I wouldn’t have ever found you if Marcus hadn’t found you. I don’t know where he did, but you better be glad he didn’t.” Clarke could cry with relief. She didn’t know. “But you’re going to stay here with Lexa. She’s going to tell me if you leave. Understood?” Clarke nodded. 

“Is Lexa dying?” Abby’s face softened. She reached up and wiped a finger over Clarke’s cheek.

“No, sweetheart. She’s just really sick. She’ll be fine,” she said. Abby turned and walked back into the room. 

Lexa was wiping the ultrasound gel from her chest as the tech put up the machine. Him and Abby exchanged a look Clarke didn’t understand. 

“I’m going to review your ultrasounds, and we’re going to talk about it later, okay?” said Abby. Lexa nodded. “Clarke, could you wait outside?” Lexa shook her head.

“She can stay,” said Lexa. Abby looked surprised.

“You sure?” Lexa nodded. Abby squirted hand sanitizer on her hands. “The nurses tell me you’re not eating. I thought you said we got your pain under control.” Lexa looked at the blanket and shrugged. 

“I’m not hungry,” she said. 

“Hmm,” said Abby. She warmed the end of the stethoscope in her hand and pressed it to Lexa’s chest. Lexa made eye contact with Clarke. Clarke raised her eyebrows at her, and Lexa looked away. Abby pressed the stethoscope to Lexa’s back. “Deep breath.” Lexa obeyed. “Have you been using the PEP?” Lexa opened and closed her mouth. 

“I can’t do it,” she said quietly. Abby nodded.

“We’ll have the respiratory therapist come and work with you later,” she said. Lexa nodded. “Your lungs aren’t sounding great.” Lexa nodded again. “Another breath.” Lexa wheezed again. Abby looked at the machines. “I’m going to put you on a nasal cannula.” Lexa nodded. Abby started typing up Lexa’s chart. “Any other problems? Nausea? Diarrhea? Weakness?”

“Headaches,” said Lexa. “Weakness is always there. My arm hurts. Chest pressure. The usual.” Lexa shifted. Abby nodded. “Your pain on a scale on one to ten. Don’t lie.” 

“Four,” said Lexa. She clenched her eyes shut. Abby nodded. 

“And no side effects?” she asked. Lexa shrugged. 

“Just the usual,” said Lexa. Abby nodded. 

“I’m going to have a respiratory therapist and the massage therapist come,” said Abby. “We’re gonna try and get you back up on your feet.” Lexa raised an eyebrow. “Yes. Your feet.” Abby hooked up the cannula and tucked it behind her ears. Abby patted her hand. “The nurse will be in soon.” Lexa nodded. Abby walked out. Lexa closed her eyes.

“Are you okay?” asked Clarke. Lexa sniffled and rubbed her face. She nodded.

“Yeah. I’m just tired, I guess,” she said. “If I fall asleep, you can’t leave.” Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“I won’t.” Lexa nodded. She yawned and closed her eyes. Lexa closed her eyes and pulled the blanket over her shoulder. Clarke watched Lexa’s chest rise and fall slowly. She could hear the congestion in Lexa’s chest. Clarke waited a few minutes before walking over to Lexa’s side. She gently slid her hand over Lexa’s arm. She squeezed Lexa’s hand. 

The door opened. Clarke looked up. A blonde girl who seemed vaguely familiar walked in. 

“Who the fuck are you?” she asked. “And why are you touching my sister?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, I have a poll. The more I think about it, I want to give Lexa a love interest before Clarke. But I hate making decisions. I'm torn between two options:
> 
> 1) Costia is Lexa's girlfriend. She's also sick. She dies, and Lexa goes running to Clarke.
> 
> 2)Luna is Lexa's girlfriend. She has a tendency to baby Lexa. Lexa gets pissed at her. She yells at her, and they break up. Clarke accidentally overhears this and her and Lexa have a deep discussion.
> 
> Obviously this is just the gist of them.
> 
> Lemme know in the comments (RESPECTFULLY) which idea you like more. If you're a dick, I won't count your vote. 
> 
> Also "go kill yourself cunt" is not a viable suggestion


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay...wow. So I got a lot of comments. All of them were super nice, so thanks. Most people said that they would rather have Luna but...as the author I have my own agenda. I heard some really good suggestions, most of them being follow what you want. I'm really really grateful for all your feedback, but I have a better idea that I was suggested that I think will benefit both Clarke and Lexa's character arc. It's not either of the ideas that I brought up before. I really would love if you guys could trust me that I know what's right for my story. If you guys are dying to know, as I do bring it up in this chapter, just comment and I can explain my idea to you. 
> 
> Thanks so much. RESPECTFUL (please guys) constructive comments appreciated. They keep me going.

“Why the fuck are you in my sister’s hospital room?” the girl demanded. Clarke blinked. 

“Aren’t you Lincoln’s sister?” asked Clarke. 

“I’m Lexa’s sister too,” said the girl. “Who are you?”

“I’m Clarke,” said Clarke. “I’m, uh, Dr. Griffin’s kid.” Anya stared at her.

“Why are you here?” Lexa groaned.

“Anya, leave her alone,” said Lexa. Lexa blinked and pushed herself up. Anya reached over and pulled her into a sitting position. Lexa yanked herself out of Anya’s grasp. “I’m fine.” She pulled herself up and pulled the gown higher around her shoulders. “She got suspended, and Abby wants someone to watch her.” Clarke made a face.

“That’s not…” Clarke paused. “Shit, yeah, okay.” Lexa looked down. 

“Clarke, why are you holding my hand?” said Lexa. Clarke let go. 

“Sorry,” she said. Lexa furrowed her eyebrows. 

“You don’t need to hold my hand. I’m just taking a nap,” said Lexa. Clarke lifted her hands up in surrender. 

“Okay. I said sorry,” said Clarke. Anya looked between the two of them. 

“Anyway,” said Anya. She sat at the edge of Lexa’s bed and rubbed her knee. “I was just coming to see how you’re doing,” Lexa nodded,

“Fine,” she said. “Just sore. They said I needed to stay for a few days to make sure I don’t faint again. And for the meds.”

“And until your pain is under control,” said Anya. Lexa shrugged and winced. “What about the test results?” Lexa looked over a Clarke. 

“Leave,” said Anya. 

“Gladly.” Anya stopped her.

“Stand outside and close the door,” said Anya. Clarke nodded.

“Whatever,” she said. She walked outside, shut the door, and dumped down against it. Why would Lexa let her be there when she was examined but not when they talked about it? Was it really that bad?

Jaha walked down the hall.

“Excuse me, Clarke.” He said. Clarke stared up at him a second before moving.

“Is she okay?” said Clarke. 

“You know I can’t tell you that, Clarke,” said Jaha. “Please move. Your mother should be coming shortly.” Clarke scooted under the handlebar. Abby walked in without a word. Clarke checked down the hall and pressed her ear to the door. 

“The tests show a thickening of the scar tissue around the heart valves. We’re worried that they may start cutting off blood flow to other parts of the heart,” said Abby. “I would like it if you let Dr. Jaha do an angiogram to check that everything’s still good.” 

“And if it’s not?” asked Anya. 

“We’ll cross that bridge when we get to it,” said Jaha. 

“I don’t like walking to bridges blind. What on the other side?” said Anya. There was a long paused. 

“Possibly just an adjustment in medication,” said Abby.

“But most likely surgery,” said Lexa. There was a silence where Clarke assumed someone nodded. “How big of a surgery?”

“It would likely be an open-heart surgery. Maybe six weeks recovery,” said Jaha. “The heart muscle is scarring over too much. For now, you’re doing the best that you can be, but it might be time to start thinking about putting you on the transplant list.”

“No,” said Lexa. 

“Lexa,” said Anya sharply. 

“No,” said Lexa again.

“Lexa. You should be looking forward to having a new heart. You might have the energy to walk again. To run. To just…” said Abby. 

“No,” said Lexa. “No. We aren’t talking about this right now.” There was a long silence. 

“I can schedule the procedure for tomorrow,” said Jaha.

“Okay,” said Anya. “Mama’s going to be back tonight to fill out paperwork.” 

“Great,” said Jaha. “I’ll put you on the board for tomorrow at eight.” Lexa nodded. Clarke backed away from the door before it opened. 

Jaha and Abby walked out. Clarke looked up at them.

“Give her a minute,” said Abby. Clarke nodded. 

“What happened?” asked Clarke. Abby shook her head. 

“I can’t tell you, and you don’t ask,” she said. Clarke nodded. She watched the door shut and took a brief glimpse of Anya wiping a tear from her eyes.

Clarke got up and looked around. She walked down the opposite hall Abby, digging through her pockets. She fished out several crumpled bills. She made her way to the elevator and went down. She managed not to get lost and walked into the gift shop.

“Hi,” said Clarke to the girl at the counter. “Where are the cute little stuffed animals?” The girl pointed behind her, disinterested. Clarke walked back to the shelf. There were piles and piles of stuffed animals. Clarke dug through them. She pulled out a happy, if generic, bear. “Cute.” She glanced at the prices. Less cute.” She threw it back. “Hey, do you have any for under $15.” The girl pointed at a clearance bin. “Thanks.” Clarke dug through the bin. They were all either really ugly or for babies. She picked up a racoon. “Who the fuck…? Why is there a racoon?” The girl looked up.

“That’s why it’s in the bargain bin,” said the girl. Clarke shrugged. She threw it and the cash on the counter.  
*************************************************************************************  
Clarke knocked on the door. 

“Can I come in?” said Clarke. The talking form behind the door stopped. 

“Yeah,” said hoarse Lexa. Clarke pushed the door open. 

“Hi,” she said. Anya glared at her. Clarke shifted form foot-to-foot. 

“You can sit,” said Lexa. Clarke sat down at the chair by the side of the bed. She pulled out the racoon. 

“I, uh, I got you this,” said Clarke. She put it at the end of the bed. “Because you know, all this stuff has to be hard on you and…” Lexa covered her mouth. “What?” Lexa laughed.

“Oh my God,” said Lexa. “No. We’re not…no…We’re not doing this, Clarke. I’m not some child who needs to be coddled and told she’s a brave little solder. Anya and your mom do enough of that.” 

“No,” said Clarke quickly. “That’s not—”

“That’s exactly what you’re doing,” she snapped. 

“Lexa,” said Anya. Lexa looked at her.

“What?” asked Lexa. Anya stared at her. “Oh. I, um, I…have you been…I didn’t…I have a, um, I have a g-girlfriend.” Anya flinched a little at that.

“I’m not hitting on you either!” said Clarke. “God, I just…I just feel bad. You’re, like, sick and you…don’t deserve it. I just…I dunno how to help you.”

“I don’t need your help, Clarke!” said Lexa. The room was eerily quiet for a long minute. 

“Well…” said Anya. “I should go.”


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I got my first job, so there was the interview and I had to piss in a cup(drug testing) and all that jazz. Finals are coming up too. I'm probably not going to post again until after Thanksgiving and into next week. Comments are always wanted.
> 
> And hey,  
> thanks.

Clarke and Lexa sat there in a long awkward silence. 

“Okay,” said Clarke. “Then I won’t help you.” Clarke shrugged. “I’ll just sit here and not talk and just take my punishment and we don’t have to be friends or anything.” 

“You know that’s not what I mean,” Lexa said. 

“No, it’s fine,” said Clarke. “Whatever.” Lexa opened her mouth. 

“Wait, are you mocking me?” she asked. Clarke smirked. 

“You said you didn’t want my help,” she said. “I guess that means I’ll just be a pain in your ass instead.” Lexa stared at her. 

“Fine,” she said. “Anything’s better than being treated like and invalid.” She picked up the raccoon. “It was kind of you to think about getting me something. Even if it wasn’t…” She looked it over and nodded.

“Your welcome,” said Clarke, laughing. Lexa shook her head.

“Mockery is not the product of a strong mind, Clarke,” said Lexa. 

“Well, you sure do a lot of it,” said Clarke. Lexa threw the racoon at her. Clarke dodged it. “That’s no way to treat your Lexacoon.”

“Lexacoon?” asked Lexa. Clarke nodded. She walked right up to Lexa and nudged her in the face with the racoon’s nose. 

“Yes. A little friend so you’re not alone during your procedure tomorrow,” said Clarke. Lexa rolled her eyes.

“What did I just say,” said Lexa. 

“But everyone likes to have a little buddy,” said Clarke. “Just a wittle fwend.” Lexa grabbed the racoon. 

“Knock it off,” Lexa whined. Clarke smirked. “You know, you really don’t need to make a big deal out of this.” Clarke shrugged. 

“I mean, since I’m forced to be your friend, I mind as well act like it,” she said. Lexa rolled her eyes. 

“Whatever,” she said. Clarke grinned again. She nudged Lexa’s head. Lexa wrinkled her nose in a way that made Clarke’s heartrate pick up. Lexa pulled the blanket up to her shoulders. “I’m gonna take a nap.” Clarke smirked softly. 

“Alright, Lex,” she said. She squeezed Lexa’s arm. 

Clarke watched as Lexa’s breathing evened out. The door opened. Clarke glanced over at Anya.

“Don’t look at my sister like that,” said Anya. 

“Like what?” asked Clarke.

“Like you’re falling in love with her,” said Anya. Clarke froze. “Lincoln told me about you. I don’t want you anywhere near her. She’s too sick to deal with your bullshit.”

“I’m pretty sure that Lexa can take care of herself,” said Clarke. Anya shook her head. 

“You know nothing,” she said. “You’ve know my sister for, what, a day?” Clarke looked away. “You’re here, because you have to be. You’re a manipulative bitch, who doesn’t respect anyone. All you want is to do crazy teenage shit and fucking instant gratification. You’re a stupid slut who feels bad for my sister and maybe wants to pity bone her. If you fucking touch her, I’ll rip your goddamn head off.” Clarke stared at her. 

“That’s not what this is,” said Clarke. 

“Then what is it?” said Anya. And Clarke didn’t know. She didn’t know why she was here. She didn’t know why she was being nice to Lexa. She just didn’t know. “Just go. I’ll cover for you.” For a fleeting moment, Clarke wanted to stay.   
*************************************************************************************  
Niylah smelled like cigarette smoke. If you stuck your nose in the seats of the car you could smell weed. It was like a shitty Halsey song. And it felt just as fake as one. Clarke pretended to be a carefree teen who rebelled for the sake of rebellion and fucked Niylah just for the sake of fucking her. But the Twenty One Pilots, as overplayed as it was, told her the truth: she was hurting. And this was all a lie. 

Niylah glanced over at her from the driver’s seat.

“You okay, Clarkey?” she asked. Clarke rubbed her face.

“It’s been a long day,” she said. Niylah nodded. She reached over to squeeze Clarke’s hand. Clarke jerked it away. 

“Where do you want to go?” asked Niylah.  
*************************************************************************************  
Niylah pulled her car in the parking lot. 

“Do you want me to go with?” she asked. Clarke shook her head. “Okay. I’ll here if you need me.” Clarke gave her a hollow smile and got out of the car. 

Clarke pulled up her hood against the drizzle. She walked into the gate of the cemetery. She felt ghosts up behind her and pulled her hoodie tighter around her. She passed the mausoleums and all the old grave stones until she got to the emptier parts. 

Up on a hill was a single grave. Clarke walked up to it and touched the cold person-less marble. 

“Hey, dad,” said Clarke. She shook her head. “This is so stupid.” She wiped her eyes. “It’s not like you can hear me anyway.” She dropped her hand to her side. “I miss you. Things are so fucked up without you.” Clarke went back to rubbing her face. “I keep messing everything up. God, I just…I just want it to stop hurting. Mom hates me. And I deserve it.”

Clarke ran her hand across “Jake Patrick Griffin” and his birth and death date. She sniffled. 

“Mom’s dating Kane,” she said. “I think he’s gonna propose.” Clarke let out a watery laugh. “I know you would be happy for her. Happy that she could move on with her life. I know you would be upset at me for doing this.” She let out a soft sob. “But I don’t know how to stop.” She fell to her knees. 

“I b-broke Pike’s hip,” said Clarke. “So Mom made me keep one of her patients company as punishment. And I’ve only known her for, like, two days—which is insane—but I-I think I want to…to change for her…” Clarke shook her head. “It’s crazy. I don’t know. I just…I don’t know what to do. MY life’s a mess. I got suspended. I’m failing all of my classes but art. I wish you were here. I wish I could just stop feeling like this.” She leaned forward and pressed her hands into the grass as she sobbed.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this chapter is so short. I'm kind of at a weird time right now. The story's in a bit of a weird place, and I'm not exactly sure how to get it where I want it to go. Also I have my finals coming up, I just got a PS4, my job starts soon... Just don't expect any consistent updates for a while. I'll try to get it once every week or so, but we'll see.
> 
> As always thanks for reading, my dudes.

Marcus knocked on Clarke’s bedroom door. She groaned.

“Clarke, get up,” said Marcus. “Abby had to go in early for Lexa’s procedure. She decided to let you sleep in after…”

“After she found me crying in front of my dad’s grave,” mumbled Clarke. She pushed herself up.

“Clarke!”

“I’m up, Kane,” she yelled. 

“We’re leaving in twenty minutes,” he said. Clarke nodded and pushed her face back into her pillow. She bolted upright.

“Wait! Is Lexa’s thing over?” asked Clarke. 

“I don’t think so,” said Marcus. “She’ll be out by the time we get there.” Clarke nodded. She grabbed her clothes and got dressed before running into the bathroom to finish getting ready. She grabbed a piece of fruit.

“Ready,” she said. Marcus looked up from his tablet.

“That was fast,” he said. Clarke rolled her eyes.

“C’mon, Kane,” she said. He got up and nodded. 

The drive was eerily quiet. 

“She’ll be okay, Clarke,” said Marcus. Clarke pressed her head against the window. As soon as the car was in park, Clarke jumped out. She slipped through the entrance and up to the surgical waiting area. She could see Anya and the woman she saw with Lexa the day they met in the waiting room, along with Lincoln. 

Clarke only stood there for a moment. She waited for a nurse to open the “Authorized Personal Only” door before slipping inside behind him. She followed the signs to the recovery room. 

“Alexandria Woods needs to be considered for the transplant list.” Clarke ducked into a doorway. It was Jaha.

“Can’t we give her more time?” asked Abby. Clarke closed her eyes. Shit.

“Yes,” said Jaha. “But that’s all we can give her. Time. None of the options, other than the LVAD, will really improve her quality of life. She’s seventeen, and she’s been in a wheelchair part-time for close to three years, full time for one and a half. That’s no way for her to live.”

“I don’t disagree, but you know she doesn’t want it right now. After…” Abby paused. There were several seconds of silence. 

“I’ll discuss it with Indra,” said Jaha. “With these results…we need to plan our next steps soon.” Clarke closed her eyes as they walked right passed her. She dashed out to the recovery room. She walked through the row of beds. And through the gap in the curtain, she saw her. 

“Lexa,” said Clarke. She pulled back the curtain.

Lexa was flat on her back. She had the sheets pulled up to her shoulders. She had an O2 mask on her face. She was pale and looked really ill. Clarke squeezed her hand. 

“Costia…” mumbled Lexa. “Is that y-you?” Clarke shushed her.

“No, Lex. It’s me, it’s Clarke,” she said. Lexa groaned. She opened her eyes. 

“Oh. It’s you,” she said. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“How do you feel?” she asked. Lexa grinned softly. 

“High,” she slurred. “God, I haven’t felt this relaxed in ages.” She closed her eyes and let her head droop. Clarke bit back a smile. “Do you know what happened?” Clarke shook her head.

“I snuck in here,” said Clarke. Lexa smirked. 

“I’m touched,” said Lexa. Clarke rubbed her hand.

“You’re cold,” she said.

“Poor circulation,” Lexa muttered. Clarke cupped Lexa’s hand and brought it to her mouth. She let out a warm breath and rubbed it gently. Lexa opened her eyes. “W-what are you doing?” Clarke shushed her. 

“I’m making you feel better,” said Clarke. Lexa shifted and winced. 

“Why are you being so nice to me?” said Lexa. Clarke shrugged. “I don’t need or want your pity.” 

“It’s not pity,” said Clarke. “I like hanging out with you, okay?” 

“We’ve barely even really talked,” said Lexa. Clarke smirked at her.

“Don’t ruin it. I like the mystery,” she said. Lexa rolled her eyes.

“Well, you can have your mystery by yourself,” said Lexa. “’M tired.” She closed her eyes. Clarke smiled and reached to warm her other hand. 

“The procedure went well,” said Jaha. “However, the results…were concerning. When Lexa is more coherent, I need to discuss it with you.” Someone pulled the curtain back. 

“Clarke?” said Jaha. 

“Clarke?” said Abby. Lexa groaned. Clarke stepped back as Anya and a woman who Clarke assumed was Lexa’s mom raced forward. Lincoln smiled and nodded at her. 

“Lexa…” said the woman. Lexa groaned again. 

“Everyone needs stop talking,” Lexa mumbled. The woman pushed Lexa’s hair from her forehead and kissed her forehead. 

“How do you feel, my brave Commander?” she said.

“Tired, Mama,” said Lexa. 

“The doctors said you did so good,” said Lexa’s mom. Lexa mumbled something snarky that Clarke couldn’t hear. Anya and her mom laughed. Anya looked up at Clarke with something nicer than a dirty look. Clarke raised an eyebrow. 

Abby grabbed Clarke’s arm.

“Let’s give them some space,” she said. She pulled Clarke out, and Clarke braced herself for the evitable lecture she was going to get. Abby dragged her out of the recovery room and shut the door to a supply closet behind them.

“How did you get in there?” Abby demanded. Clarke shrugged.

“The door,” she said. Abby looked like she wanted to strangle her and punch a wall. She took a deep breath.

“Did you really take the time and effort to get here early so you can sneak in and see, Lexa?” said Abby. Clarke opened and closed her mouth.

“No,” said Clarke. “No. This isn’t…you’re not using Lexa to make me a better person,” said Clarke. “That’s not what’s happening here.” Abby chuckled. 

“That’s not what I was thinking,” said Abby. “I’m not using Lexa to make you a better person. Lexa needs company, and you need to learn to be patient.” Clarke rolled her eyes. She walked over to the door and moved to open it before she froze.

“I’m gonna…” Clarke started. Abby raised an eyebrow at her. “I’m gonna go wait in the waiting room until I can see Lexa.” Abby smiled. 

“Do you like her, Clarke?” asked Abby. Clarke’s face went red. 

“W-what? Mom, no. God, she’s…it’s—I…” she said. “She has a girlfriend.” Abby’s face fell, but before she could say anything, Clarke slammed the door behind her.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've kind of been running out of steam. But it seems like I'm back on track now. I'll probably be posting not very often for the next few weeks until finals. After, I might get a little more consistent. I have my first real shift at work tomorrow. Wish me luck. (And don't forget to tell me how much you like my story!!)

Clarke pulled out another chip and winced as the bag crinkled loudly. Lexa whined.

“Sorry,” Clarke said. Lexa opened her eyes and glared at Clarke. “How do you feel?” Lexa shrugged and sat up. 

“You know that this was just a procedure to see how bad the scaring is, right?” said Lexa. “They didn’t actually do anything.” 

“Is it bad?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. She pulled her pillow under her shoulder. “Here, let me…” Clarke wiped off her hands on her jeans. Lexa watched her walked over. “May I?” Lexa nodded. Clarke slid her arm under Lexa’s shoulders. She pulled her up and shook out the pillow. “Did you want another pillow?” 

“Yes, please,” said Lexa. Clarke grabbed a pillow from the couch. She stacked them and laid Lexa back down on them.

“Better?” asked Clarke. Lexa nodded. 

“Thank you,” she said. Clarke shrugged.

“No prob,” she said. Clarke sat down at the end of Lexa’s bed. “When’s your girlfriend going to show up?” Lexa closed her eyes. “I mean…you were in surgery…” 

“She’s sick too,” said Lexa. “She has the same kind of heart condition I do, but hers is…worse.” Clarke nodded. Clarke’s phone went off. She pulled it out of her pocket. Her face immediately went red and she tucked her phone back into her pocket. Lexa shifted onto her side. “What’s that?” 

“My phone,” said Clarke. 

“You face is all red,” said Lexa. 

“You do you care?” said Clarke. Lexa shrugged. 

“I’m bored and in pain,” she said. “Entertain me, Clarke.” Clarke shook her head. Lexa rolled closer to Clarke. Clarke scooted over. Lexa gave her a look. “Okay. Fine, then.” Lexa winced and rolled back over. Clarke opened and closed her mouth. She sighed. 

“Fine,” said Clarke. She pulled out her phone and showed it to Lexa.

“Oh my God,” said Lexa. She looked from the phone to Clarke. “Your girlfriend has great boobs.” Clarke closed her phone. 

“She’s not my girlfriend,” she said. 

“She sent you her tits,” she said. 

“It’s complicated,” said Clarke.

“It’s her boobs,” said Lexa. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah. And that’s all they are,” said Clarke. Lexa cocked her head sideways. 

“Sure,” said Lexa. She leaned back. “I didn’t think you’d like girls.”

“What does that mean?” said Clarke. Lexa seemed to realize what she said, and her face went a little red. 

“S-sorry. I’m high,” she said. Clarke shook her head. 

“It’s fine,” said Clarke. 

“How could a girl like you have a girl willing to show you your boobs and not wanna date you?” said Lexa. Clarke shook her head. 

“Lexa, don’t you have a girlfriend?” said Clarke gently. Lexa blinked and nodded. Lexa shook her head.

“R-right,” she said. Lexa sat up and rubbed her face. “I just…I…”

“Hey. It’s okay,” said Clarke. Lexa wiped her eyes. 

“Sorry,” she said. “I’m just…” She sniffled. Clarke sat down at the end of the bed. 

“Hey, hey,” said Clarke. She reached out to rub Lexa’s arm. Lexa leaned down and buried her face in her shoulder. Clarke was surprised.

“I’m sorry,” said Lexa. She sniffled. Clarke nodded into her hair. 

“You’re okay, Lexa,” she said. “I get it. You’ve had a full day.” Lexa nodded. She curled up on Clarke.

“Could you stay with me?” said Lexa. “Pl-please.” Clarke nodded. 

“I’ll stay with you,” said Clarke. She ran her hand through Lexa’s hair. Lexa sniffled. 

“I’m sorry,” said Lexa again. Clarke shushed her. She started rocking Lexa back and forth. Eventually, her breathing evens out. Clarke reached out to move her hand. Lexa whimpered. 

“Don’t you dare move,” said Anya. Clarke froze. She looked over at Anya. Anya smirked. 

“What?” said Clarke. Anya shook her head. 

“You snuck into the recovery room to check on her,” she said.

“Yeah,” said Clarke. Anya shook her head. 

“I think that you might actually care about her,” she said. Clarke’s jaw dropped.

“What?” she said. 

“I don’t take back what I said. I still think you’re an arrogant prick. But you aren’t as bad as I thought you were. You’re holding her. And you look…content,” said Anya. Clarke opened and closed her mouth struggling with a response. “You don’t need to stay anything. In fact, don’t say anything. But if you keep this up, you might have my blessing.”

“Don’t she have a girlfriend?” asked Clarke.

“She thinks so,” said Anya. 

“What does that mean?” asked Clarke. The door opened, and Lexa’s mom and a nurse stepped in. Lexa’s mom raised an eyebrow at her. 

“You must be Abby’s daughter. I’m Indra, Lexa’s mother,” she said. Clarke nodded.

“Yeah. I’m Clarke. Pleasure to meet you,” she said. Indra gave her a once over. “Lexa was really freaked out. She wanted me to stay with her.” Indra nodded. Clarke looked at the nurse. “Do you need to wake her up?” The nurse nodded. Clarke got up off of her. Lexa moaned. “Sorry.” Lexa blinked and looked around. 

“What?” she asked.

“The nurse needs to check you out,” said Clarke. Lexa sat up. She rubbed her face.

“K…” said Lexa. The nurse came over and began taking vitals. 

“How do you feel?” asked the nurse. “Any pain?” Lexa shook her head. 

“Just tired…and sore,” said Lexa. “My chest…feels tight.” The nurse nodded. She put the stethoscope on Lexa’s chest. Lexa’s eyes blinked closed. Clarke smiled at her. Clarke reached over and squeezed Lexa’s hand. There was a shadow of a smirk on Lexa’s face. “I’m okay, Clarke.” Clarke nodded. 

“I know,” said Clarke. Lexa shook her head. 

The door opened once again. Jaha and her mother came in looking solemn. 

“Clarke,” said Abby. “I need to talk to Lexa.” Clarke nodded. “Alone.” Clarke nodded again and scrambled up. She shut the door behind it and pressed her hear to it.

“The results were what we feared,” said Jaha. “There is more scaring of the arteries.”

“Really there isn’t much left we can do,” said Abby. “We just wait until your heart starts to give out and put you on the transplant list.” 

“No,” said Lexa. 

“Lexa…” said Anya. 

“No,” said Lexa more forcefully. “I’m not…we’re not—” Lexa started coughing.

“We don’t have to talk about this now,” said Abby. “If your stats stay the way they are, we should release you tomorrow. You need your rest.” There were several seconds of silence. “Do you want me to invite Clarke back in?”

“No,” said Lexa. “I need to talk with Costia.”


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is: an extra long extra special chapter. I feels a little overstuffed, but I hope you guys like it. I felt like Clarke and Lexa's relationship was going a little slow and this was my way of speeding it up. Things should get more intense and feelsy soon. This story wasn't meant to be super long and a slow burn, and eight chapters in, and Clarke and Lexa aren't even close to their first kiss.
> 
> Comment and kudos; lemme know what you liked and what you didn't. I'll try to keep chapters longer for the next few updates.

Clarke opened the door to Lexa’s room, rubbing the sleep from her eyes.

“Hey, Lexa,” said Clarke. She looked around. “And there’s no one here.” She stuck her head in the bathroom. Clarke felt a split second of panic before she saw a note sitting on the bed. 

“Clarke,  
I’m in the game room.  
\--Lexa.” 

Clarke picked up the note and put it in her pocket. She headed down the hall and followed the signs to the game room. 

Lexa sat on a couch next to an overeager little boy. They played video games in front of a large TV. Lexa was in sweat pants and a baggy long sleeve shirt curled up in a blanket. Lexa smiled at the boy fondly. Clarke almost turned around to give them some space when Lexa smiled at her. Clarke walked in. 

“Hi, Clarke,” said Lexa. The boy looked away from the game. 

“That’s Clarke?” asked the boy. Lexa nodded.

“I’m Aden,” he said. He held out his hand. “Nice to meet you.” Clarke shook his hand, ignoring the IV in the back of it. 

“He’s my mentee,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. 

“Oh cool,” she said. Clarke looked at the TV. They were playing…

“Halo?” asked Clarke. Aden let off a barrage of gunfire. “Aren’t you a little young to be playing Halo?”

“I’m twelve,” he said. 

“That game is rated M,” she said. Aden shrugged.

“I’m dying,” he said. Clarke nodded. 

“Oh…good to know,” she said. 

“Wanna play?” asked Aden. 

“Sure,” said Clarke. Lexa held out her controller to Clarke. Aden’s face fell. 

“Lexa, you don’t—” started Aden. Lexa shook her head. 

“I know how much you want to play,” said Lexa. “It’s fine.” Clarke took it from her. She sat down next to Aden. 

“Okay, how do I do this?” she asked. Aden unpaused the game.

“Regular controls. Left control stick moves character; right stick moves camera,” he said. “Left trigger shoots. Right trigger throws grenade. Anything colorful is the bad guy.” 

“Uh…” said Clarke. She looked over at Lexa. She shook her head. A barrage of gunfire went off. “Shit, did I die?” Aden nodded.

“You’ll respawn,” he said. Lexa chuckled. 

“You’re so bad,” she said. “Even I survived farther than that on my first try.” 

“Shut up,” said Clarke, as Aden cleared the bridge, and Clarke respawned. 

“Move the camera to aim,” he said. Clarke’s camera spun all the way up, and she walked into a wall. Lexa snorted. Aden glanced over at her. 

“There’s an alien behind you,” said Lexa. “Press B for melee.” Clarke started button smashing. Aden shook her head. She scooted up behind Clarke and put her hands over Clarke’s on the controller. She moved Clarke’s avatar on the screen. “Aim and shoot.” Aden smirked. 

“Your hands are so cold,” said Clarke. 

“Poor circulation,” said Lexa. Clarke nodded. 

“I know,” she said. She glanced over at Lexa. Their faces were so close together. She could see the red rising in her cheeks.

“Shit,” said Lexa. Clarke looked over at the TV. “When you see a gap, you have to jump.” 

“Shit. Sorry,” said Clarke. Aden snorted. 

“I’m so going to end up replaying this level again,” he said. Lexa rolled her eyes. Clarke shot her a look. 

“I’m not that bad,” she muttered. Lexa smiled at her sweetly. 

“Of course, you’re not,” she said. Clarke glared at her.

“Ass—” started Clarke. 

“You died again,” said Aden flatly. Clarke looked back at the TV.

“Dammit,” she said. 

“Do you just wanna give up?” asked Aden. 

“No,” said Clarke. “I want to keep trying.” Aden sighed. He looked over at Lexa. Lexa smirked and shook her head.

“Fine,” grumbled Aden.   
*************************************************************************************  
“Hah!” said Clarke. “I did it. I won.” Aden sighed and sat back. 

“You didn’t win,” he said. “You just didn’t die for…long enough to finish the level.” Clarke stood up and danced around the couch.

“Whatever. Close enough. I won,” she said. “Hey, Lexa—” Lexa had fallen asleep. “Lexa?” 

“She’s okay,” said Aden. “Bored.” Aden smirked. Clarke nodded. 

“Are you as sick as Lexa is?” she asked. Aden shrugged. 

“Being sick isn’t an objective thing,” he said. 

“I’m new at this,” said Clarke. 

“I can tell,” said Aden. Clarke sat back on the couch and looked at Lexa. 

“How do I do this?” asked Clarke. Aden put down the controller and walked over to put the game away. 

“How do you do what?” he said. Clarke kicked her feet out and shook her head.

“Deal with all this hospital stuff?” she said. Aden stopped. 

“You deal with it because you have to,” he said. “There’s no secret. There’s no magic tip. You just be there for them. And hope for the best.” Clarke blinked.

“That was…really dark,” she said. Aden shrugged. 

“That’s life,” he said. “You might wanna wake Lexa up. Get her to bed. I think she’s getting discharged soon.” Clarke nodded. She watched Aden get up and walk out.

“Lexa…” she said. She shook Lexa’s shoulder. Lexa jerked up. 

“What?” she asked. She looked around and pulled on Clarke’s arm. 

“Hey, it’s okay. I’m sorry,” she said. “I should probably get you back to your room.” Lexa blinked. 

“Yeah. Thanks,” she said. She sat up. “Could you push my chair over?” Clarke nodded and pushed the wheelchair over. Lexa moved herself onto it. Clarke grabbed the blanket.

“Here,” she said. Lexa tucked it over her lap. 

“Thanks,” she said. 

“Do you want me to, um, push you or…” Clarke said. 

“Could you?” asked Lexa. Clarke nodded. “Sorry. I’m just really tired…”

“It’s fine,” said Clarke. She undid the breaks and pushed Lexa down the hall.

“Have you always been sick?” asked Clarke. Lexa sighed.

“There’s more to me than that, you know,” said Lexa. She grinned. “We’re supposed to be friends or something now. Maybe you could learn something else about me now.” 

“Of course…I mean…” Clarke stuttered.

“I would have been valedictorian of my class if I had graduated with them,” she said. “I dropped out when I got too sick. But trust me, I’m really smart.” Clarke snorted. 

“Oh yeah?” she said. Lexa glared at her.

“And what about you? What’s with the act?” teased Lexa. 

“What act?”

“The whole thinking your better than everyone thing,” she said. Clarke raised an eyebrow at her. 

“I don’t think I’m better than everyone,” Clarke said.

“Yeah. That’s why I called it an act,” she said. “You’re clearly insecure and really hot. Why posture?”

“You’re an asshole,” said Clarke. Lexa nodded. 

“Yes,” she said. Clarke pushed the wheelchair into Lexa’s room and parked it by her bed. “You have some sob story. And you act out. A lot. That’s why you’re in trouble. That’s why you’re here.” 

“Why are you such a bitch?” Clarke said. 

“Why are you like this?” Lexa asked. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“You know what? You’re leaving the hospital today. Which means I can go. Have a nice life,” she said. Lexa’s face fell. 

“Clarke…” she said. Clarke walked out and slammed the door. She pulled out her phone.

“Niylah. Pick me up at the hospital. I’m not going back home,” she said.   
*************************************************************************************  
It was way to early for this much weed and alcohol. It was the third day in a row of Clarke’s bender. She wasn’t going as hard as some of the others. 

Jasper blew out a smoke ring and giggled.

“God, I’m so glad I missed school for this,” he said. 

“Dude, we’re going to be in so much trouble for this,” said Monty. 

“Dude, at least you aren’t missing your suspension hearing,” said Clarke. “I’m surprised VP Kane isn’t here kicking my ass. Dragging me home. Whatever. Guess they’ve given up on me. Guess, I’m a fuck up.” She felt Niylah come up behind her and rubbed her shoulders. 

“I can take your mind off of it,” she said. Clarke raised an eyebrow.

“Oh, you can?” she said. Niylah slid her hands down over Clarke’s breasts. Jasper wolf whistled. Clarke blocked him out and rolled Niylah on top of her. She pulled Niylah’s face down and started kissing her aggressively. Niylah’s hand slipped down Clarke’s waistband and ghosted over her underwear. Clarke’s hips canted forward. She let out a throaty moan. 

“Oh God,” said Murphy. “Get a room. I just wanna get high. I don’t wanna watch a shitty lesbian porno.” 

“This is so not shitty,” said Jasper.

“Oh my God. You fucking pervert,” said Murphy. “You get out of the room.” He threw an empty cardboard beer carton at him. It bounced off of Jasper’s head. Niylah reached around Clarke’s panties. Niylah moaned.

“You’re so wet for me, baby,” she said. Monty choked on his beer. 

“Jesus fucking Christ, will you—”Clarke’s phone buzzed. 

“Unknown number,” said Murphy.

“Don’t pick it up—”

“Hello,” said Murphy. He listened for a second. “Who’s Anya Woods?” Clarke pushed of Niylah and lunged for the phone. 

“Anya?”

“Griffin? Where are you? Lexa’s not doing well. She…she got really sick. She needs you,” she said. 

“Fuck…what—when?” stammered Clarke. 

“I can come and pick you up,” said Anya. “Tell me where you’re at.” Clarke looked over at a super inebriated Niylah.

“416 Trikru Ct,” said Clarke.

“Ten minutes,” said Anya.

“Babe,” whined Niylah. 

“No, Niylah. I have to go,” said Clarke. She pushed Niylah off her. “I’m going to go to the bathroom.” She stepped over empty bottles of liquor and made her way to the bathroom. She splashed cold water on her face and took a deep breath. What if Lexa died? What if Lexa died and the thing she thought about Clarke was that she was a selfish bitch? Clarke bit her lip.

“It’s okay,” she mumbled. “It’s okay. It’s okay.” 

She heard a knock on the door. 

“Police!” There was a crash.

“Shit!” Clarke’s friends screamed and scrambled around. Clarke looked around the bathroom. She knew that there wasn’t a window. But she was high, and she could hope.

The door opened. Clarke lifted up her hands.

“Clarke Griffin, you are under arrest as a minor in possession of drugs and alcohol…”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, this story is not going to turn into a legal drama. I hope you like it.


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long. My life is kind of a mess. I should be able to update more frequently by the time feb. come around. This chap is super angsty and mostly reflects on Clarke's mental state. There will be more Lexa/Clarke in the next chapter.
> 
> I love seeing your comments and kudos

Clarke picked up a Legos off the floor. She stepped on one as it slipped out from under her. She slipped and fell flat on her ass. 

“Fuck,” she said. Aden looked over the back of the couch. 

“Don’t swear; there are children,” he said. Clarke stared at him. 

“I’m going to fight you,” she said. 

“I’ll tell your parole officer,” he said. She sighed and got back up. “You know it’s really funny that they let you work off your time in a place you ran away from.” Clarke got up and glared at him. “It’s like poetic justice or something.” 

“No. Poetic justice would be if I got sick using drugs and got hospitalized here. This is just stupid,” she said. Aden shrugged. 

“You’re just bitter, because Anya lied to you,” he said. 

“Could you shut up?” said Clarke. She started picking up the Legos off the floor.

“You’re supposed to be nice to me,” said Aden. 

“Yeah and Anya wasn’t supposed to use my feelings for Lexa as a weakness to exploit, so I guess we both got fucked,” she said. Aden raised his eyebrow. 

“So you aren’t butthurt,” said Aden. Clarke glared at her. 

“Yeah…” she said. She put the Legos back in the bins.

“I’m sorry this happened to you,” said Aden. 

“It’s my fault,” said Clarke. Aden nodded.

“Yeah, but it’s still…it sucks,” he said. Clarke nodded. 

“Thanks for that…I think,” she said. Aden shrugged. 

“You were doing this thing, and you got taken advantage of,” he said. Clarke stared at him. 

“You’re very…emotionally intelligent?” she said. Aden shrugged.

“It’s what happens when you’re stuck in this building as long as I have been,” he said. Clarke shrugged and nodded. 

“Fair, I guess,” she said. Aden got off the ouch and picked up some Legos. “Thanks.” He nodded. 

Clarke’s phone went off.

“What’s that?” asked Aden.

“…My phone?” said Clarke. She pulled out her pocket. She went to put it away before Aden grabbed it. “Hey!” She reached back for her phone. Aden scrolled through it. 

“Lexa has been trying to apologize to you?” he asked. “It’s not even her fault.” 

“Shut up,” said Clarke. She leaned over and tried to grab her phone back again. “It’s none of your business.” 

“God, dude, she seems really desperate to talk to you,” said Aden. 

“Shut up,” said Clarke again.

“I’ve never seen her like this,” said Aden. “She barely talks to anyone. Especially since she dropped out of school.” He cocked his head at her. 

“Don’t look at me like that,” she said. “That’s how Anya looked at me.” Aden shrugged and let her grab her phone back.

“You’re special,” he said. Clarke made a face. “At least, Lexa thinks so…” Clarke shook her head. 

“No,” she said. 

“I can’t…we’re not doing this, Aden,” she said. “I have to focus on not getting thrown in jail.” 

“Lexa can help you with that,” he said. Clarke shook her head.

“Lexa has her own shit,” said Clarke. 

“And she clearly wants you in her shit,” said Aden. Clarke raised an eyebrow. 

“You lost me,” she said. “That sounded so weird.” Aden rolled his eyes. He got up.

“Fine,” he said. “Be like that. I’m going back to my room. Have fun with your community service.” Clarke closed her eyes and rubbed her forehead. She looked down at Lexa’s text.

Lexa Woods: Clarke, Im so sorry please you have to believe me I didn’t tell Anya to do that I didn’t want her to  
Lexa Woods: She stole my phone while I was napping and found your number I don’t know why she decided to do that  
Lexa Woods: I know its been weeks but Clarke, please. I’m not mad at you anymore. I understand why you were upset. Clarke talk to me.  
Lexa Woods: Clarke, It’s Lexa. Please give me a call. Let me know how you’re doing. I want to know if you’re okay.

Clarke shut her phone off. 

“Clarke.” Clarke looked up.

“Mom,” she said angerly. 

“Clarke, why are you looking at your phone. You know you aren’t supposed. “you’re not even supposed to have your phone…” Clarke sighed. 

“Do you want it? You’re already tracking my every move with this goddamn ankle bracelet,” she said. Abby sighed. 

“Clarke. I’m trying to help you,” she said. Clarke rolled her eyes. 

“Yeah. I know. Whatever,” she said. Clarke walked to the door.

“Clarke, listen to me…” said Abby.

“No,” said Clarke. “We’re not doing this. Not now. I just wanna do my stupid job and get my community service hours done. That’s it.” She started walking out. 

“Clarke, you can’t talk to me like that,” said Abby. Clarke didn’t look at her. She followed Clarke out. “Lexa has been asking for you.” Clarke whirled around.

“Why does everyone assume that I give a shit about Lexa?” she said. “She’s just some girl. You told me I had to spend time with her. I just felt bad! She’s not…she’s just a girl! I’m not going to magically become some amazing kid, because I like some girl.” Abby just stared at her.

“Clarke, I’m trying…” said Abby. “I’m trying to help you. You need to stop acting like this…” Clarke walked out of the room. She slammed the door to the family bathroom and smacked her head against it. 

“Goddammit,” she yelled. She let out a deep breath and clenched her fist. She slid down against the door and kicked a trash can. Why couldn’t she just be normal? Why couldn’t she just act like everyone wanted her to? Why did she keep messing shit up? Clarke bit her lip and let out a sob. 

“What the fuck is wrong with me?” she yelled. She turned on her phone and stared at Lexa’s messages. Why was everyone so obsessed that she liked Lexa? Maybe she was really obsessed with her. Maybe this had nothing to do with Lexa. Maybe it had to do with Clarke. Clarke. She threw it across the room and stared at the ankle bracelet.

“How did this happen…?”


	10. Chapter 10

Clarke closed her eyes and leaned her head against the cold, metal wall of the elevator. The door slid open. 

“Clarke?” Clarke opened her eyes. Oh no. Oh God. Lexa stood in the doorway, staring at her with sad, puppy eyes.

“No.” Clarke tried to push past her out the door, but it closed. 

“Clarke, are you okay? I heard what Anya did. She had no right. I know your mom asked her and all, and I can’t believe that she did that…like Anya was going to say no. Your mom saved my life. But I’m not sure that was super ethical. I—” Clarke shook her head. She backed up into the elevator door.]

“No,” said Clarke again. “We’re not talking about this. Just…just leave me alone. Please.” Clarke clutched her head. She couldn’t do this. She couldn’t see Lexa’s face fall and her reach out to her.

“Clarke, I’m so sorry. What happened? I know the cops got called. You’re obviously not in jail—”

“Lexa!” yelled Clarke. “I don’t want to talk to you. Please…” Lexa’s face fell even further. She took a shaky breath and slid down the wall. The elevator door opened. Clarke turned to run out. Her and Lexa locked eyes. 

“Clarke…” said Lexa. Something seized Clarke’s chest. “Why are you so mean?” Clarke clenched her fist.

“I feel shitty, so everyone else should too,” said Clarke. Lea stared up at her.

“Do you really believe that?” asked Lexa. Clarke bit her lip and walked out. Lexa scrambled up.

“I’m sorry Anya got you in trouble,” said Lexa. “And I’m sorry about your dad.” Clarke paused. 

“This has nothing to do with that.” She said. Lexa shrugged. 

“I’m still sorry,” she said. Clarke nodded slowly. Her thoughts raced at 100 miles an hour.

“Why are you doing this?” said Clarke. “Why does it matter? Why do you care? I’m just some girl.” 

“I’m just some girl too,” said Lexa. “We can be ‘some girls’ together.” 

“Why?” said Clarke. “Don’t you have your girlfriend?” Lexa paused. 

“Why are you so mean, Clarke?” said Lexa. “I’m trying to be nice. You seem like you need a friend.”

“I have lots of friends. I don’t need one who is going to die!” yelled Clarke. When had she started yelling?

“That’s the best kind of friend,” said Lexa. “You can tell me whatever, and I’ll take it to my grave.” Clarke just stared at her. 

“Fuck you, Lexa,” said Clarke. “You’re not supposed to be okay with dying.” Lexa shrugged. 

“I have no reason to fight,” said Lexa. 

“What about your girlfriend?” said Clarke. Lexa looked away. 

“Fine,” she said. “I give up.” She started walking away.

“Lexa! What about your girlfriend?” yelled Clarke. She turned around to find Abby. “Why doesn’t she care about her girlfriend? She talks about her like she loves her but…” Abby put a hand on Clarke’s shoulder. Clarke jerked away. 

“Costia was very ill,” said Abby. Clarke shook her head. No. “She had a more progressed form of the defect Lexa has. She was on the transplant list for months… When a heart became available, she wanted Lexa to have it. Costia was AB positive. Lexa was O negative. The heart was O neg. They’re rare to come by, and it’s easier to find Costia a heart than Lexa. But Lexa was doing quite a bit better. She was so angry at Costia for suggesting it. Lexa refused to take the heart. She thought that Costia would realize that she was being stupid. That Lexa couldn’t take it anyway…” Abby took a deep breath. “Her mom sighed the consent form. Costia died during surgery.” Clarke’s mouth went dry.

“When?” asked Clarke. 

“Six months ago,” said Abby.

“So she wants to die to be with her girlfriend,” said Clarke. Abby nodded. Clarke closed her eyes. She rubbed her forehead. 

“Clarke, none of this is—”

“Shut up,” said Clarke. “Just…no…we’re not—” Clarke abruptly cut herself off and turned around and ran after Lexa.  
*************************************************************************************  
“Hey,” said Clarke. Lexa didn’t turn around. “I’m sorry.” Lexa glanced over her shoulder at Clarke. She leaned back against the deck railing. “Why do you talk about Costia like she’s alive?”

“I’m going to see her soon,” said Lexa. 

“My mom said you’re fine.”

“She’s lying,” said Lexa. “I had some tests today. I’m not getting any better.”

“Are you getting worse?” Lexa bit her lip.

“Not yet,” she said.

“You need a friend,” said Clarke. Lexa shook her head. “You don’t want to die alone.”

“I’m not going to die alone,” Lexa snapped. “I have Anya and Lincoln and my mom.”

“But you don’t want to worry them. They already think that you want to die. And you hate that they know that because you accepted it, and you know they haven’t.” Lexa stared out at the city below. She rubbed her face. 

“You can’t die,” said Clarke. 

“We all will,” said Lexa. 

The moonlight glanced off of Lexa’s face. Her green eyes looked nearly transparent. It seemed like there was a ghost in her skin. She was empty. It gave Clarke a pang in her stomach. Lexa looked so young and so old at the same time. Clarke wanted to kiss her.

“Have you ever considered talking to someone?” said Clarke. Lexa looked over at her and raised her eyebrows, her eyes glassy with tears. 

“Have you?” Clarke sighed.

“I tried once. Right after my dad died. He pumped me full of drugs. Not the fun kind. He was condescending,” she said. Lexa looked surprised. “I know I need to go back again. I can’t bring myself to do it. If I don’t go, I can’t be disappointed if it doesn’t help.”

“You’re much smarter than I’ve given you credit for,” said Lexa. Clarke smiled. She reached out and gently placed her hand over Lexa’s. Lexa looked up at her, once again surprised. 

“I’m full of surprises,” said Clarke. She squeezed her hand. Lexa relaxed into Clarke’s shoulder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise chapter! I cut back my class load and work hours, so we'll see if I can update on some sort of schedule. No promises.
> 
> I know it's really depressing, and I'm not sure I like how it turned out, but I'm trying to get to the good part, and I need this to get there.
> 
> Comments and kudos are always appreciated. (unless you're telling me to kill myself. If you're going to do that please evaluate your life choices :) )


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